Thursday, February 19, 2009

Plans for tomorrow, ect.

It's my day off. I'd like to spend it at home relaxing, sleeping, reading or catching up with the shows that I have downloaded but not found the time to watch. Instead I will try to be productive with my time.

I will cash my check.
I will get copies of the keys I need to close the store made.
I will return my boss's keys.
I will do these things before noon.
I will get these things done by riding the bus.

At least that's the plan. If all goes according to plan I will be at the mall shortly before the movie theater opens. Of course there isn't anything I want to see except Coraline and I'm not sure I want to spend the slightly inflated price to see it in 3D again. Which leaves me in a bit of a lurch about what to do with the rest of the afternoon. I could just come home but that feels like a disappointing end to a productive morning. I want to do something after all that productivity. Maybe I'll just browse the mall.

Why do I feel the need to 'do' something? Well to be honest I'm starting to feel a depressive episode coming on. I get them about once a month. For a few days I just feel absolutly like nothing matters and everything is wrong with my life. I can see and know that those things are not true but it doesn't help me from feeling that way. I've found if I keep busy with work or doing things outside of the house that I don't feel quite so bad.

Today I felt like walking out of my job because I started feeling this way. The job where:

1. I just got promoted
2. Got a raise
3. Work for two of the nicest people
4. Who also care about doing a good job
5. While also caring about their employees.

I almost walked out because.. I can't even remember what almost set me off. But I didn't. I very carefully thought about all those reasons I just listed for liking my job and kept working.

My crew cleaned up the store and I finished the paperwork fast enough that we walked out two minutes till 10pm. Which is just about as early as humanly possible to get out without cutting any corners. This made me extremely happy and it's been my happy thought for the past four hours.

I've been thinking about moving from living with my sister and her kids to living alone. Not because I don't want to live with them and not because they don't want to live with me. It feels like something that I need to do. Which is probobly one of the worst reasons to do something and yet it's the best reason I can come up with as for why I want to move out on my own. I've started looking but there isn't much in the way of affordable apartments that are also close to bus stops or close to my place of work. In fact the closer I get to my place of work the higher the rent is.

This post has gotten a little long so I'm going to end it here.

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