Thursday, August 27, 2009

Work Update and a small story

School has started. How do I know this? I know this because the mall is like a ghost town. Which means sales are way down which means we've had to scale back our employee's hours a lot. In fact the past two night's I have worked the pretzel shop alone for the last few hours. It's not too bad cause the pretzel shop is connected to the cookie store so I can call across for help if I need it.

The cookie store has also been hit by the return of school. Tonight there were only three of us from 6pm, when I sent the other girl working on my side home, to close (about 9:30pm).

It's likely that we will lose a few employees due to cutting back their hours. My own job is secure as is my pay since I'm working for a set salary.

Storytime: So I was up front at my counter when a couple walked by. I said hello and smiled. They said hello back and said they were just looking and walked past toward the cookie counter. There was no one else nearby so I walked into the back room to get a clean towel. My manager was walking back to the front and as he exited the back he called back to me that I had costumers. I hurried back and heard him say, "Gilly will be right back." I saw it was the couple that had just walked by. The woman then said something to the effect of, "Oh that's ok he..She was just here." I walked up while she was saying this and was standing in front of her when she made the correction. I said nothing about being called 'she.' I think I caught my manager give me a look for not saying anything, out of the corner of my eye.

I like being called she. It feels right. Usually people who call me she "correct" themselves and apologize even though I don't say anything. I'm up in air as to why she corrected herself from he to she. Was it based on my appearance? Did being called Gilly trip her pronoun flag? Did she miss hear Gilly as Lilly? In the end it doesn't really matter but it does makes me wonder.

And then there is the matter of my boss. I've not told him that I'm transgender or that I'm planing on transitioning. I think he might suspect something but he respects personal boundaries and won't say anything unless it effects my job in some way. So ultimately no real change there for now.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Restarting HRT

I've decided to restart HRT. It's been on my mind off and on for the past week. There are numerous reasons for and against restarting HRT. In the end it comes down to me deciding this is what I need to do right now.

I really don't have much more to say. This post is mostly for me to be able to look back and see when I made this decision.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Moving Update 6

Even with my dad cosigning on the lease I was not approved for an apartment at the complex I wanted to get into. This happened Monday but this plus a depressive episode as kept me from posting. It's gotten bad enough that my boss mentioned that I seemed out of it the past couple of days. I was originally denied due to bad credit and this time because of my criminal background(I've been arrested once). All day Monday I kept thinking about how those actions that led to my having bad credit and a criminal record are actions that I would not take now. I've grown since then into a responsible person but that doesn't seem to matter. All that seems to matter is that I once was irresponsible and stupid.

I'm not giving up on finding an apartment. This is merely a bump on the road not a roadblock.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Moving Update 5

I got a call Friday morning from the woman who has been handling my apartment application. She told me that I had been denied based on my credit. She suggested I could get someone to co-sign the lease. I made a call to my parents and after a little discussion they agreed to help me out. There is still a chance that they could be denied but I feel like I've the one big hurdle and everything will work out from here on out.

When I found out I was denied, my mood fell from happy/excited to crushed/wants to give up. I felt this way all morning. It was a random act of kindness that broke me out of it. While leaving my bank after depositing my check, a woman and a young boy like four or five years old were walking out in front of me. I was about ten feet behind them but the boy stopped to hold the door open for me. It was a small gesture but it was a nice moment in an otherwise sucky morning.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Moving Update 4

I got the call this morning that a one bedroom was available to rent. I've paid the application fee and put down the deposit. They faxed an employment verification form to my manager which he didn't get to until after they had closed for the night so I should hear back from them tomorrow. I feel very optimistic.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Moving Update 3

I found this comic to be very funny and relevant to current events in my life.

I went by the leasing office for the apartment complex I want to move to and filled out an application. Before I filled it out I was informed that all of the apartments of the floor plan I wanted were rented out. The complex has five floor plans, three one bedroom plans and two two bedroom plans. Each plan is bigger than the one before it and a little more expensive of course. The all the one bedroom apartments had applications pending for them but there one of the smaller two bedrooms available.

After some quick mental math I decided I could afford the two bedroom and went ahead with the application. There's still a chance that I might a one bedroom if someone's credit comes back really bad.

I could have waited another month and a one bedroom would probably have come up available but I've already said I want to move by the end of this month. If I put it off, it would feel like I was taking a step backwards. This is like the next big step in my journey through life and I don't want to wait any longer than I need to.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Moving Update part 2/Doritos Tacos at Midnite review

So due to the webcomic archive binge(Full Frontal Nerdity, Today Nothing Happened, and Permanatly Seated) I went to sleep around 5 am last night. I woke up around 2 pm but then I realized I had no nice clean clothes so I stuffed my big duffel full and walked to the laundromat. I got my ussal treat on the way, a large cup of cucumber and cantaloupe covered with lime and chile powder. This is something I'm going to miss once I move. I may have to start making it myself (thinks about slicing fruits and vegetables up). It shouldn't be too hard.

While I was washing my clothes I walked across the street to get a snack from the gas station. This is also part of my clothes washing routin. Ussally I get a hotdog, a bag of chips and a soda but today I decided to skip the dog and just get chips. As I entered the chip aisle I saw a new flavor of Doritos called Tacos at Midnite. The bag looked a little weird and when I looked it over I saw it had one of those symbols that you show to your webcam at the site the bag says to and in the image of you holding the bag the site inserts something over the bag and you can like turn it and move it by just moving the bag. I've always wanted to try that so I bought the chips.

Now, I like Doritos and not just the regular nacho or ranch flavors, so believe me when I tell you these chips did not taste as good as other Doritos I have eaten. I ate about half the bag and just could not convince myself to finish them. Normally if I pay for some food item I will finish it even if it isn't as good as I thought it would be. So for me to say I could not finish these chips and thew away half the bag is kind of a big deal. I kept the bag cause I did want to try out the webcam/bag thing, which ran very slow and choppy my netbook for some reason. So in the end I didn't get a tasty snack nor did I get a fun interactive web thing out of the Doritos Tacos at Midnite chips bag.

Moving Update

Friday I told my sister I had been thinking about moving out soon. She took it well. So right now the plan is to find an apartment and move out by the start of September. I could probably move out now but I don't want to just yank my part of the bills/rent out from under my sister's feet.

Tomorrow I'm going to look into getting an apartment in this complex near my work. If I can swing an apartment there it will be so sweet. Not only is it close to my work but there's a bank branch office and a supermarket within a ten minute walk. Right I'm a thirty minute bus ride from any one of those. I so want to get in there.

I don't have a lot to move, mostly books and bookcases and my bed. I have other stuff but those are the big items. I've started bringing home collapsed boxes one at a time so that when the day comes all I have to do is tape the bottoms.

Looking around my room I've started trying to imagine how all my stuff is going to fill or not fill my new apartment. My room is cramped with three full size bookcases, a desk with a bookcase over it, a small book case and my bed but I've seen the floor plans for the apartment I want to rent and it's at least three times as large as my room. Its going to be a bit bare until I can get some furnature like a couch or a table or even just a chair. I'm excited by thoughts of buying a set of pots and pans.