So I'm going to try to start posting something at least five times a week. To make it easier I've decided to take a page from Alexandra Erin writer of the serial series Tales of MU and create a kind of update form page that I can fill in on the fly so I'm not agonizing over what to write and if I have something else I want to post well that can go at the end or in it's own post. I'm not copying her format exactly. I'm coming up with my own sections to be filled out.

Mood: Fair at the moment. Not feeling depressed but not super happy either. I have been experiencing brief periods of mania over past week.

What did I do yesterday/earlier today: Watched Tv last night. Ate a burrito and bag of Japanese Peanuts. Wrote a little. Slept. Worked this morning.

Writing progress: Last night I managed to sit down and write out most of an outline for an episode/chapter of the project I've been working on. It's been about two weeks I think since I've done any real writing. I'm trying to get back into the writing grove.

Netflixing: Just sent back my last DVDs so stuff is in transit.

Reading: I've started rereading Tales of MU. I had read it up to chapter 345ish but then lost touch with it. It's now up to 478ish and I want to get back into it but I feel like I need a refresher, so I'm starting from the beginning.

And there you have it my first fill in the blank post. I might change the headings later if they don't work out and down here is where I can write stuff that doesn't fit in the above headings.

That's all for now,
Gilly

What am I doing here?

When I started this blog, I already had a personal online journal on LiveJournal. I wanted to start a new blog a write about important 'issues' but that only lasted about a week and then I was writing about my life again. I wanted to write words that had meaning and weight behind them but all I ever seemed to write about was my own unimportant life.

And you know what; I'm okay with that. I've realized that I'm not a writer of "serious business". I'm a fiction writer. Every time I have ever sat down and tried to write something factual I failed. But I can sit down and spin a story easily; maybe not the best story but the page won't be blank when I'm done. I'm not quitting this blog. I'm accepting it for what it is; the story of my life. I'm still an Infowhore and I'm still going to be speaking but I'm not going to worry about trying to find important things to speak about. I'm just going to speak about my life which I'm already doing a lot of anyway I'm just not going to feel bad about it.

To cement this turning point in my thinking about this blog I've changed the description of the blog to:

Welcome to my little blog. I'm here to speak about my life as a geek, nerd, otaku, transgender woman, writer, reader, bi-romantic demisexual person, video gamer, infowhore and most importantly as a human being.

Gilly

Blog course correction

When I started this blog I had thought I would use it as a place to write "serious stuff." This is part of an early post I wrote in dec. of '08:

Mondays I will be writing about books, movies, tv shows, or video games. This won't be a review based column, more of a "Hey, this something I like and here's why" column.

Wednesday's column will be about trans stuff. From news items of interest to personal updates on my own transition, this is where you'll find it.

For Friday I will have a column similar to Monday's, except it will focus on media found on the web.

I had some plans didn't I. I want to try to get back to what I wanted this blog to be. I'll still be posting about whats going on in my life but I'm going to try to include more posts like the ones I list above. Not on a set schedule like I thought I would.

Anyway just wanted to state this out loud. Move along nothing more to see here.

Go on scoot!

I have returned

Due to paychecks and bills lining up just right I was left with a little extra money this month, which I spent on a new netbook. That's right I have rejoined the internet world so expect longer and more frequent posting. But not right away. Right now I'm working on installing all the programs I use to use on a daily basis. Things like a feed reader and openoffice and Miro and tweetdeck and stuff I can't remember right now. Also I need to rebuild my bookmarks from scratch. Plus I'm going to be looking into finding some free animation programs for a project I'm working on with a coworker.

So I'm back but not really until later in the week. See you all then.

Gilly

Since I haven't done so in a while, I'm posting a pic of myself. Please excuse the wet hair I'm typing this up between showering and going to work.

Pretzel Training Trip Is A Go

So on Monday I and another employee, who has not been determined yet, will leave with our regional manager to Houston and return on Thursday as pretzel making masters. I am very excited about this trip. I've never been on a trip like this where everything was paid for by the company I worked for. Of course I've never been an assistant manager about to be placed in charge of a new store either. I feel like I've reached a new level in the game of life.

I'm unsure if I'll have internet access while in Houston so this blog might go silent for the week. If that happens I'll keep a daily diary that I can post when I get back.

From 8-8-07 coming out to my sister

I came out to my sister on Aug 8, 2007. At the time I wasn't blogging but I did write a message to a friend about what happened that night. I was afraid that I had lost the copy of that message but I found it in the saved messages folder. Here it is.

---

Last night I told my sister I wanted to live as a woman.

I was so scared I couldn't even tell her I wanted to to tell her something. After she got home in evening from work I spent an hour trying to work up the nerve to ask her to come with me on a short drive so we could talk. Finally I wrote a note saying I wanted to talk to her but was still to scared to give it to her. I tacked it to the door frame before I left to wash clothes so she would find it after I left. Then I cried on the way to the laundry. When I got home the note was still up and I thought she had missed it but then she came up behind me and asked if I was ready to go. So instead of just going on a short drive we decided to take our video rentals back. When we got to the rental place I parked my car, turned it off and started to tell her. Coming up with the words to tell her was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My heart started beating hard and fast and my body start to tremble then to outright shake. I didn't feel I could just blurt out, "I want to live as a woman."

So I started by reminding her of a time when she had told her kids that if they ever felt like they were gay they could go to her and she would be ok with it. Then she had said, "Even if your uncle wanted to be your aunt I'd be ok with it."

Back in the car I asked if she still felt that way and she said yes and asked if I loved a boy. I said, "No the second part." She then told me to just blurt it out. I tried three times getting and far as, "I...," before trailing off. Finally I said "I feel I would prefer to live as a woman." And she said, "Ok, that's fine." I didn't break down then but tears started leaking from my eyes. She stroked my hair and told me it was ok. Then she asked me if this was why I didn't want to cut my hair. I couldn't speak normally only whisper yes and nod my head. She offered to help tell our parents but I want to wait a little while before telling them. She went ahead inside and I stayed in the cry for a few moments to cry off some of the nervous energy.

When I went inside I was still a little nervous that things would now be awkward between us but once I found her and started looking for movies it was almost like it hadn't happened.

When we got home she offered to tell the kids which I wanted to put off but she said the soon the better. So I let her. I don't know what she told them because I hid out in my room. I went to bed soon afterward so I haven't really been around them now that they know.

So that's it. I'm out to my sister and her kids. After spending hour after hour being afraid that she might be angry or upset or in the worst case might ask me to leave, she's fine with it.

---

The friend I sent this to advised me to save it in a blog so that I could look back and see how far I had come and to know how things had happened. Her advice lead me to begin blogging. However once I did start I forgot about saving this message until now. There are a few more old messages and some very early posts that I want to save so I'll be posting them here and on my LJ for a bit of redundancy.

New Youtube video

So yeah, a while back I made a few videos and put them on Youtube. After I quit from my last job I had to give up my laptop which had the built in webcam I was using to make the videos. Tonight I glanced at the built in webcam in my netbook and though, "Hey I can make new videos." So that's what I did. This is a short video to update the couple of people who might see it about what's happened since my last video. If you read this blog you already know everything I say in the video but you might want to watch just so you can see what I look and sound like. I'm thinking on doing more videos but much more structured than what I've done before.

Quick post

Hi sweeties,

Sorry I haven't been around this week. I've been feeling a little depressed and like everyother time I've felt like this any blog posts I try to right devolve into whinning about being depressed. Everyday this week I've tried to write here but nothing good come to mind.

So here are three good things that are happening in or around my life:

1. I'm reading and loving The Palimpsest.

2. A coworker who has been trying to get pregnate for a few years now thinks she is now. Results from blood test on Friday.

3. My ear piercings are healing nicely and have not gotten infected once.

Yeah not exactly a stellar list but it's the best I can do for now.

Over on Gillian's Fiction "Am I Memorex?" is has reached the end of it's third week with no inturuptions which I guess is a fourth good thing.

Not much going on in my life otherwise. The last few days have been very routine.

Gillian's Fiction

In an effort to focus slightly more on my fiction writing, I've set up a sister blog to Infowhore Speaks called Gillian's Fiction. As the names suggests I'll be posting fiction written by me. I'll be reposting and then continuing the two stories I started here which I have taken down while I polish them up a little.

I average just about zero fiction posts a week on this blog. So for starters I will guarantee one post a week on my fiction blog. Yeah, not a whole lot but I'd rather set the bar a little low than set it to high and get discouraged(trust me I know me).

Right now there's just a short intro post. I'll update here when stuff starts appearing over there.

That is all.

hello

This is going to be a little strange and it might be a little alarming but please try to remain calm. Ready? Ok here goes.

Hi

First I want to say thank you for reading my blog. I don't have many readers and very few regular ones. In fact I have just one. Oh there a few that check in at odd times but only one really regular reader.

You come by between 9am and 10am. Not everyday but more days than not. You have the site bookmarked. Your ISP is in New Hampshire. I know this from the the page view info from Statcounter.com. But this is all I know about you.

My other semi-regular readers I know their names. I've talked to them, they're friends. I wonder what your name is. Are you one of my followers? Someone who just stumbled by one day? How did you find me? What brings you back? I wonder..

Which is why I'm making this post. I want to know you. Leave a comment and say hello.

I hope I don't scare you off. I'm not looking to expose you. I just want to know you.

Well thanks again for reading. I hope to see you around.

Ten random things

A friend mentioned I hadn't posted anything recently. I have had a lot of things I want to post about but like no energy to write about them. I meant to make this post last night but I ended up catching up with the blogs I follow and made several comments but no post here. So real quick here are ten random things I'm thinking about or that have happened to me recently.

1. Opened a savings account. I'm a 27 almost 28. It's been about seven years since I had a savings account. I haven't felt this secure about money for a long time.

2. I'm thinking of getting this.

3. I need keys to the store I work at. As someone who closes and locks up about two or three times a week I need to have them. I may kidnap my boss's keys and make copies tomorrow.

4. I intend to go see Watchmen. I read the graphic novel years ago I really liked it but haven't read it since. I glanced through a copy at the bookstore in the mall and it was as good as I remembered it being.

5. I finished Braid. The ending makes you think about lots of things that I need to write into a seperate post.

6. I've started watching tv again in a bit of an experiment.

7. I saw a bit of the new Real World on MTV. I've never really been a fan of the show. I accidently selected it in the program guide. It popped on screen while I selected what I really wanted to watch. I changed the channel pretty quickly but not before hearing, "..mantain vaginal depth.." In about half a second I remembered that I had read about there being a transwoman on the show. I changed it back and watched the rest of the show. I might keep watching it just for her but the preview for next episode shows her talking about leaving because she can't pay her rent.

8. I'm trying to decide what I want to do about my twitter. I don't use it very often and I've almost stopped reading the tweets of those I follow but there are a few people I don't have any other contact for and wouldn't want to not know them.

9. I'm having trouble writing the story I started in the Storytime posts. I have this idea of what story I want to tell but its like this shape in my mind. I can see all of it but I can't see the shapes that make it up.

10. I just watched this again and downloaded it so I can have a copy. It's Neil Gaiman reading some stories from his book Fragile Things and answering questions. I know I've posted it before on my LJ but I haven't posted it here and Neil is an exelent speaker and reader.

So thats ten things and now I need to hurry to not be late to work.

Bye and lots of hugs to my readers.

Blog Update

Starting Monday the 15th, I will begin writing three regular weekly columns.

Mondays I will be writing about books, movies, tv shows, or video games. This won't be a review based column, more of a "Hey, this something I like and here's why" column.

Wednesday's column will be about trans stuff. From news items of interest to personal updates on my own transition, this is where you'll find it.

For Friday I will have a column similar to Monday's, except it will focus on media found on the web.

Besides these regular columns, which will post on their respective days at midnight, I will also have several random post types, which will post when ever I feel like. These will include Cool Alerts, Random (but fun) Youtube Video and OMG!! Have You Seen This. These will be for short random type stuff that I don't want wait to write a column on.

I also plan on having a Weekend Poetry Post but it won't be a regular post more of a if I write something during the week then I'll post it on the weekend.

So that's the plan for the future of this blog. I want this blog to be my voice on the net and these are the types of things I want speaking about.

Until then I remain,
Gillian-Y

P.S. I said Monday but I might have an idea for Friday's column. So, I might start Friday but I will definitely start on Monday.

Introductions - In which I am like a smoothy

It's time I think to introduce myself.

But which self do I introduce. No, I don't have multiple personalities but I do have multiple personas.

I'm not me, except when I am me but which me am I.

I could be the geek and tell you of my comic collection and love of anime. My computers past and present could become the topic of the day. PS3s, X-Box 360s and Wiis, oh my.

I could be the bookworm and regale you with lists of books I've read multiple times. Pictures of my bookcases could wallpaper this blog and reviews of every book would fill the posts.

I could be the writer and write about writing. Everyday I could check in with the total number of words I had written that day. You could hear about how I'm stuck on this part or how the words are flying faster than I can type.

I could be the transgender woman and report on every change that my new hormoans bring. My first shopping trip would make a lovely post, don'cha think. Hormoans and clothes galore.

I could be the depressed girl and write dark poetry. My blog could languish for weeks until I came back and apologized for not posting more.

The truth is I'm all these and none of these. Like a blended drink made from fruit, milk and ice I cannot be separated, only consumed.

Tell next time I remain your hostess,

Gillian-y