Sunday, July 26, 2009

Trans in the not so big city

Back when I came out at my last job my boss revealed that I was not the first transperson that had worked there.

I remember blurting out, "Who?" before realizing how rude and privacy invading that might be and quickly followed up with, "That is if you can tell me." Yeah, I might not have wanted to invade their privacy but I still wanted to know. He said her name and I immediate remembered her(since then I have forgotten her name but not what she looks like). She was a delivery driver for a few months until she left for another job that paid better for each delivery. I remember the first few times I saw her something about her appearance set off a faint tingle through my brain. Not that I saw her thought, "She's transgender." It was more a whisper in a noisy room. Easy to ignore if I wanted too and since I really didn't feel the need to make an ass out of myself and straight up ask her I put those thoughts away.

At the time I wasn't even out to myself. I was in deep denial about being transgender myself but reading tons of stuff online anyways.

Today she and what I can only guess were her parents came by the pretzel shop. We were in the middle of a rush so I had no chance to even say hi. I don't even know what I might have said other than, "Hi..uh..remember me?..We both worked at (that deli)?..So how you been?..Yeah that sounds great! see yeah later." It not like I could just blurt out, "Hey you're transgender right? Guess what me too!" Yeah I see that ending badly.

Why am I even thinking about this? It's cause I feel very alone here in my city. It's a small city with no visible LGBT community. So of course the one person I know of that is trans, who also happens to be close to my age, and I have no way to talk with her. It selfish and maybe a little creepy, I know, to want to be her friend just cause she's trans but there's no one else I know of.

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