Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I may have outed myself

So this guy who is like very important in the company that owns the store I work in has been around the past couple of days because of the pretzel store construction and opening on Friday. Yesterday he saw my transgender pendent necklace and asked what the symbol on it was. I told him it was the symbol for transgender but he didn't know what that was and work came up so I didn't get to explain.

Now I'm afraid I've outed myself in a less than optimal way. My only hope in not being outed is for him to forget about it and not find out what transgender is due it the opening of the new store. I'm feeling a little scared that this is going to blow up and I'm going to lose my job.

Why did I tell him the truth? He gave me an out when he asked. He asked me, "What is the signifigants of this? If you don't mind me asking." I could have blown him off. I could have lied. I could have said anything but instead I told the truth. So, why? Because he asked. I see hundreds of people in a day. None of them ask. I work with the same ten people. Only a couple have asked and I told them too. I think I'm tired of living a lie. The me everyone knows, it's me but it's me filtered through the lie of being a man.

Part of me hopes he does look up transgender. Part of me hopes that I don't lose my job. Part of me hopes that I can become all of me instead of being just a part of me.


  1. A couple of things to consider, Sweetie:

    1. I don't know the name of the company you work for, but I'll bet it's a corporate chain. Many corporations have a policy of being pro-diversity. You might check the corporate website to set your mind at ease.
    2. There are very few companies (I believe) that would want to put up with the stink that could be caused by firing someone simply on the basis of gender orientation. Again, you might contact the human resources office at corporate and voice your concerns.
    3. For all you know, the important guy may himself be gay or even TG.

    It wouldn't hurt, though, to do a little homework and find out the company's policies on diversity. You may have a rude awakening, or you may be pleasantly surprised.


  2. 3. I don't think the guy is gay or TG. Unless he was acting like he didn't know what transgender means I don't think it's a word he has heard before.

    2. If they wanted to fire me for being trans they could but simply give other reasons. They could for example fire if the end of day count came up short 'too many' times when I worked or they could say that on nights that I work the store isn't being cleaned right or they could set high goals for the pretzel store and fire me when they weren't met. None of these reasons involve gender identity.

    1. The store I work at is part of a franchise so while the parent company might be pro-dirvesity, the company that owns my store doesn't have to be. Also see 2.

  3. All true. Besides (I believe you mentioned before) a co-worker with a touch of transphobia, have you seen any evidence on the part of your employers of this kind of behavior? Sounds to me like you've become a pretty valuable employee. It would be dumb to set up an elaborate ruse in order to get rid of an asset. I'm not saying that they definitely will not be so dumb, but I wouldn't want you losing any sleep either.

  4. I mentioned an employee who said they would disown their kids if they were gay. I was reading through some older entries on my LJ and came across it. I can't remember who it was but I don't think they work with me anymore.

    My manager is pro-lgbt. Our regional manager seems like she's accepting but has said she's against gay marriage. Both have said that I'm a valuable employee so I feel like if I do get fired it's going to be from higher up. Setting me up to be fired would be a dumb move but prejudice is dumb. I'm not losing sleep over it but I am watching what's going on around me.

    I've decided that I need to come out soon so that this won't be an issue anymore. Right now while we're opening a new store probably isn't a good time but in a few weeks when things are settled down I'm going to talk to my manager.