So this guy who is like very important in the company that owns the store I work in has been around the past couple of days because of the pretzel store construction and opening on Friday. Yesterday he saw my transgender pendent necklace and asked what the symbol on it was. I told him it was the symbol for transgender but he didn't know what that was and work came up so I didn't get to explain.
Now I'm afraid I've outed myself in a less than optimal way. My only hope in not being outed is for him to forget about it and not find out what transgender is due it the opening of the new store. I'm feeling a little scared that this is going to blow up and I'm going to lose my job.
Why did I tell him the truth? He gave me an out when he asked. He asked me, "What is the signifigants of this? If you don't mind me asking." I could have blown him off. I could have lied. I could have said anything but instead I told the truth. So, why? Because he asked. I see hundreds of people in a day. None of them ask. I work with the same ten people. Only a couple have asked and I told them too. I think I'm tired of living a lie. The me everyone knows, it's me but it's me filtered through the lie of being a man.
Part of me hopes he does look up transgender. Part of me hopes that I don't lose my job. Part of me hopes that I can become all of me instead of being just a part of me.
This Week's Calogrenant
4 days ago