It's Wedensday and time for Trans Talk, my weekly column about issues that concern transgender and transsexual folk. I'm be discussing news items, trans* characters in media and even talking about my own transness.
I guess now is a good time to talk about my own gender identity.
I would say I identify as a woman, that is when I think of myself I think of myself as a woman. I prefer to be called ma'am instead of sir(this happens much less often than I would like). However I don't identify as a 'woman trapped in a man's body.' I am not trapped in my body. I am my body. I may not especially like the way it looks but I is mine.
I've come out to a few family members(sister, parents, a cousin). Even though their response has been neutral to positive I still feel afraid to tell the rest of my family.
I was on hormones for about six months but after I quit my job I couldn't afford them. I've had one laser hair removal treatment. Again lack of money forced my to stop. Now that I have a new job and I am getting back on my feet, I think I will be able to restart hrt shortly after the new year.
I'm 27, at the time of writing this, which makes me think I should have my life together and be doing something with it. I don't feel 27. I feel much younger, even if I don't also feel foolish. Much of my life feels like I wasn't really there. Like I didn't belong, which in a way the me that was there wasn't me and therefore didn't belong in my life. Through most of my twenties I have been moving forward waiting for 'my' life to begin.
A couple of years ago I finally said to myself, "I want to live as a woman." Quite a break through, I think, for someone not in therapy, who has spent most of the previous(7+) years convincing themselves that they were not transsexual. How does someone spend years reading about transsexuality and watching every show about transsexuality on tv, and researching transsexuality on the internet, not see that he was transsexual? I'm not sure but I did.
There are more things I'd like to say but I would rather wait and devote full posts to some of them.
See ya later.
This Week's Calogrenant
3 days ago