3-24-11

I am experiencing a major depressive episode. It's hard to know for sure but looking at past posts it looks like it's been about two weeks since I really started to feel really depressed.

Yesterday I happened upon a book titled Why Am I still Depressed?, which is about the bipolar spectrum and how it's possible that someone could be bipolar without realizing it.  Being that I'm somewhat poor I didn't buy it.  I am taking an idea from it and rating my mood everyday on a 1 to 10 scale.  I'll be writing the numbers down on a calender that I have hanging in my room.  It should be easy enough for me to write down a single number that I won't forget to do it.  After a few weeks or possibly months I'll be able to see if my mood cycles from depressed  to normal.

I'm almost sure that I'll see some sort of regular cycle.  I remember noticing patterns to my mood before in my old livejournal.  For at least three months I made note of feeling very depressed for a week every month.  If I can find the time I might go over all my old posts and try to piece together a mood graph for the last four years or so.

Right now I'm feeling empty.  I feel detached from life.  I've been walking around in a daze a lot lately.  I feel like a fake person a lot of the time when I'm talking to people.  Like I'm only saying what a "normal" person would say not what I want to say.

That's all I got for now.
~Gilly