I am experiencing a major depressive episode. It's hard to know for sure but looking at past posts it looks like it's been about two weeks since I really started to feel really depressed.
Yesterday I happened upon a book titled Why Am I still Depressed?, which is about the bipolar spectrum and how it's possible that someone could be bipolar without realizing it. Being that I'm somewhat poor I didn't buy it. I am taking an idea from it and rating my mood everyday on a 1 to 10 scale. I'll be writing the numbers down on a calender that I have hanging in my room. It should be easy enough for me to write down a single number that I won't forget to do it. After a few weeks or possibly months I'll be able to see if my mood cycles from depressed to normal.
I'm almost sure that I'll see some sort of regular cycle. I remember noticing patterns to my mood before in my old livejournal. For at least three months I made note of feeling very depressed for a week every month. If I can find the time I might go over all my old posts and try to piece together a mood graph for the last four years or so.
Right now I'm feeling empty. I feel detached from life. I've been walking around in a daze a lot lately. I feel like a fake person a lot of the time when I'm talking to people. Like I'm only saying what a "normal" person would say not what I want to say.
That's all I got for now.
This Week's Calogrenant
4 days ago