Thursday, January 6, 2011

New Years Update

So yeah this is a little late in coming.*shrugs*

New Year's Eve I moved into my new apartment and spent the last night of 2010 there. I woke up in 2011 in my new apartment alone except for my cat. As I said in a previous post this is my first time living alone. Yeah I'm almost thirty and I've never lived alone. So far it's been fine. It's not like I've never been alone before but those times have always been short periods of time that end with me not being alone again. Now I'm facing an unending period of my life alone. Gezz that sounds like I'm sinking into depression but I'm not. The last week has been very much depression free. I think it may be because I'm focused on living alone and dealing with that. I may just be going through a general upswing in mood. Lately I've been distracted by another issue that I won't mention here from posting and writing in general. If you really want to know about it leave a comment and I'll reply.

On the subject of writing. I've been in a bit of a rut. Partly because I haven't been able to talk to my writing partner as much and partly because I let myself slide on writing everyday. I'm going to start working on getting back into practice writing every day no matter what. It's a habit I need to cultivate if I'm going to really be a writer.

On the subject of my transition. It's been about two years since I came out to my sister. That moment is a dividing line in my mind from when I was still questioning whether or not I was transgender and when I really accepted that I am transgender. Since that event I've made a few baby steps toward transition. I've been on HRT on and off during this time. I had one laser hair removal treatment. I came out to a few friends. But in the end I feel like I've almost been spinning my wheels. The last two New Years I've made the same resolution: make some progress on my transition. I'm making a different resolution this year. It's less a resolution and more a goal: Start laser treatments. Last time I started them I had to stop when I quit my job and then the place had shut down when I could afford them. I'm not sure how I'm going to afford them but I will.

Where is this determination coming from? Well you see I had a dream and in this dream I shot myself in the head with a shotgun because something was wrong with my life in the dream. There was more to it but that's the gist of it. I thought about it for a couple of days and realized that it was a warning from my subconscious that I needed to take action in my life or I might end up taking the permanent solution for a temporary problem.

I'm doing other things that don't need to be stated as goals like getting over my fear of shopping for women's clothes or wearing women's shirts around the house and out of it or getting back on HRT.

You know a lot has happened in the past two years. I've grown my hair out, cut and donated it, let it grow out, cut and donated it again that time very short, and now letting it grow out again. I quit one job, start at another and quit it as well, found another job, got promoted, got salaried, got volunteered to run the place for a short while, got a new manager, got fired, got hired back at the place I first quit from. I made friends, good friends. I found a best friend and writing partner. I realized I'm asexual.

This is getting a little rambling so I'm going to end it here. Till next time, which will be soon I think.


No comments:

Post a Comment