4-26-11

Mood:  Today I feel okayish.  Almost neutral but I can feel an undercurrent of negative emotions in the back of my head.  Sunday after I got home from our family's Easter get together, I crashed emotionally, curled up on my bed and passed out for a couple of hours before getting up and taking my clothes to wash.

Happenings:  I'm still working on the Film Club t-shirt.  I'm going to try to finalize the design tonight.  I'll be working on the film for Haven the rest of the week and weekend.  Part of me feels bad about waiting until the last two weeks before it needs to be done but it's hard for me to dedicate myself to a project that has too much time left before the deadline.

I met with the woman who's roommate is getting married and moving out.  We seem to be compatible as roommates and maybe friends in time.  The friend who recommended her to me came along to ease to awkwardness.  The three of us went on short nature walk, ate at Double Dave's and then saw African Cats.  So we ended up spending about seven hours together.

Media:  I've started playing Deadspace.  I'm playing about two hours a night.  So far the game is very good.

Writing:  I've given up on Script Frenzy.  I don't have the mental energy right now to do it.

~Gilly

4-18-11

Mood: Detached, depressed, feeling worthless and useless.  I know I'm not worthless or useless.  I tell myself that I am worth something and I can do almost anything I put my mind to.  It's hard to believe myself sometimes when it doesn't 'feel' true even if I know it to be true.

Happenings:  A friend has introed me to one of her friends who is looking for a new roommate (current one is getting married).  We've just exchanged an email but will be meeting to get to know each other to see if we'll get along.

Media:  I finished Mass Effect 3.  Only one of my team died in the final mission.  I'm tempted to replay the last mission just to keep him alive but part of me feels like it would be cheating to do so.  During the final mission I made what I thought were the best choices at the time.  Those choices led to that teammate's death.  That's the story I played.  To replay that mission and rig the outcome to save him would be like rewriting Wash's death in Serenity.  You may not agree with what happened but it happened.

Writing:  I've not written anything since my last post.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to do some writing soon.

~Gilly

4-13-11

Mood: I've been feeling a little better the past two days.  I've been feeling less of the soul crushing hopelessness and worthlessness.  I feel empty in a kind of neutral way.  I'm feeling kinda detached from what's happening around me a lot of the time.

Happenings:  I've been keeping busy with Script Frenzy, see below; designing a t-shirt for the film club, and making a short film for Haven.  As long as I have something to do I don't feel completely useless.  I worry about what I'll do when I'm done with these projects.

Media:  I've gone to see a couple of movies since Sucker Punch, which is already out of the theaters.  I saw Paul and Hanna.  Paul was just a fun geeky movie.  A little offensive in a couple of spots but mostly just fun.  Hanna was good in a different way.  I liked it but it was a little too artsy at points.  I also didn't like the way the main character's motivation came from her father and not from her own decisions.

Writing:  I'm doing Script Frenzy, which is a month long effort to write a 100 page script.  I'm currently at 15 pages.  If I can write an average of 4-5 pages a day for the rest of the month I'll meet the total easy.

4-11-11

Quick post before my netbook battery dies on me.

I'm still feeling depressed.  It's worse than ever before and lasting longer than I can remember a depressive episode to last.  On a scale of one to ten I've been having a lot of ones and two for the last month and a half to two months I think.  I've been trying to stay busy with Haven and the Film Club and with friends but I still have to go home alone at some point.

No promises as to when my next post will be.

~Gilly