Sunday, February 21, 2010

Thoughts on coming out

I've been thinking a little bit about what it would mean for me to come out as transgender at work. I started thinking about this when I reread a post I made several months ago in which I stated:

I've said before many times that I need to come out at work. I think I'm going to stop saying it cause it doesn't matter. [..] This is not to say that I won't come out at some point but I'm not thinking of it as something I have to do but as something I will do when the time is right for me.

Reading later posts I can see that I didn't stick to this bold idea but thanks to me having written it down it has a new lease on life. I have decided that I don't need to come out at work right now. I've also decided that I don't need to hide anymore. I've taken little steps toward not hiding like wearing my transgender symbol necklace and using pink hair ties.

Today I took a bigger step. Today the new manager asked me what my necklace meant. I've been asked before and most times I have changed the subject or said it was personal. Today I answered her question by simply saying, "It's the symbol for transgender." I hesitated but spoke clearly and without shame. I even showed her how it incorporates the symbols for female and male while adding a combined one. And nothing bad happened.

Maybe I'm being melodramatic or just a drama queen but really I expected some sort of reaction from the universe. I just took a big step toward living a more open life and nothing bad happened to make me hide in the closet. Maybe the world doesn't revolve around me and the sun rises and sets with me there to watch it and a watched pot will boil but in twice the time and maybe the world isn't such a scary place after all.

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