New hire/transgender issues

I'm back online after being cut off from my digital world due to a damaged phone jack. I've had a new one installed in a place where it is much less likely to be damaged. I'm still using my Wii to post but I have gotten a usb keyboard to type with.

The last couple of weeks were spent training the manager and assistant manager for the new pretzel store my company is opening in the next few weeks. I had a great time mainly due to the two to them being great people to work with and to teach.

This week I am again training someone but not for another store. This guy is not the first person that has been hired for my store but he is the first that I have personally hired. I've work with him before at a previous job so I wasn't just hiring blindly from an aplication. I've had one day with him so far and I think he's going to work out great.

I'm feeling more depressed lately about not coming out at work and in general life. Yesterday a man asked me what Gil was short for. He was ofcourse refering to my name tag. I hesitated and he went on to suggest some possible names, "Gillian, Gilligan, 'Jillian'" and a couple more female names. I was mildly stunned and was vague and didn't confirm anything.

I hesitated becaue I didn't want to say 'his' name(I've stated thinking of it as his name rather then my name, which is probably not a very mentally healthy thing to do). I cringe inside when my coworkers call me by his name. This is rare as they all call me Gil or Gilly, which I know is short for his name but it's also short for the name I've chosen for myself, Gillian.

My new hire saw my transgender symbol necklace and asked about it. I was able to deflect his question and change the subject but part of me wishes I didn't have to. I wish I could make this big issue a nonissue. I could by coming out. However (I've said it before and I may say it a hundred more times before I stop believing it), I'm afraid I'll lose everything. I'm afraid that my life is a card house and my coming out would be like a gust wind scattering it into disarray.

Update

The past few days I've started writing a post and then half way through it I just feel like it's just meaningless drivel. So I'm keeping this real short.

So I've been back home for a few days now. I learned plenty and can't wait to open the pretzel store here.

More and more I feel like I need to come out at work.

I put the AC on the window and am now enjoying the coolness at nights.

Um not much else going on. I'll try to update againg before the end of the week.

Here in Beaumont

I am currently enjoying the free wireless Fairfield Inn provides it's guests.

I and another employee from the store rode up with our regional manager. The drive up was mostly uneventful except for the two near accidents we had. First right outside of Victoria a man almost ran us off the road when he changed lanes right in front of us. We were in his blind spot but he should have looked before changing lanes. Later outside of Houston we were following a big truck and noticed papers flying out of the back occasionally. Suddenly an entire trash bag flew out and landed in front of the car. With no time to swerve at all my manager ran over the bag. When I looked back I didn't see the bag so we pulled over to free the bag. The act of stopping freed the bag and then we were on our way.

After checking in to our hotel we went to the mall the pretzel store we are going to be training at is in. L(the other employee from my store) and I only stayed a couple of hours before leaving to get something from the food court. We then walked around for a little while before meeting back up with C(our regional manager) and coming back to the hotel. Tomorrow the three of us will be running the pretzel store by ourselves.

Not much else going on at the moment. See ya later.

Oh yeah, according to everyone around me I have not stopped smiling all day.