Writing update

Well two days ago I finished the second script for the animated series I've been working on with my co-worker. I don't know if I mentioned when I finished the first script but it was done two months ago and took two months to write. Which if you parsed that last sentence means I took two months to write each script. This is the single longest piece of fiction I've written at fifteen pages. I am immensely proud for staying with this project but I know that I couldn't/wouldn't have even started it if I didn't have my co-worker(here after reffered to as Neil) to keep me focused on the project. He came up with the original concept and characters. He has helped me come up with numerous plots. He is half the creative team on this project. I don't know what I would do without him.

You know one of the more satisfying things I've done lately has been handing a script to Neil and watching him laugh as he reads it. It also lets me know that I am writing stuff that is funny to other people and not just myself.

On a slightly different note I found a notebook with about half a dozen partial stories in it. Some are ok and some are good and one made me go 'who wrote this?' cause it seems much better than anything I've written before. I'm thinking about reviving my second blog as a flash fiction blog instead of the serial story that stalled blog. More on that as it developes.

Stopping now cause my cat is threatening me bodily harm if I don't give her snuggles.

Recently I had a bit of a revelation. As you may know I am the assistant manager at my job. What you may not know is that I don't always feel like I've earned it. I sometime feel like everything I'm doing is wrong. That I'm failing in every aspect of my job. I can look around and 'see' that I'm doing my job just fine and the store is not failing because of me but I still 'feel' it. So I put as much effort as I can into the store because not doing so make me feel like a failure. Everything that goes wrong feels like someone telling me I'm doing a bad job, whether or not it's something I can control.

I've learned to deal with these feelings and thoughts. Somedays are worse than others. Somedays I feel fine. Others I cry in the bathroom.

The other day was a bad day. First there was an email about a customer complaint. Then another customer came to the store about a cake we had messed up. And then another one called about another cake we had messed up. None of these complaints were my fault but I still felt like I was being told I sucked at doing my job. I tried very hard not to break down. But I couldn't not break down so I went to the bathroom and had myself a cry. Afterward I felt better for having letting it out.

I bought a book called The Depression Handbook. I thought it might help and if I had bought it five years ago it might have been of some help. Today I'm beyond that book in dealing with my depression. Every tip and trick and all helpful advice that fills it are things I've taught myself over the past few years. On one hand I feel good that I am managing my depression fairly well. On the other hand I'm like, "Is this as good as it gets? Am I going to feel like this till I die?" I wanted to see that the path goes on and instead I got a map to where I am now. When I was done reading the book I threw it across the room. Not a very mature response I know but it was how I felt at the time. I wish I had had some sort of realization about where I was headed, some sort of positive message to end on but I didn't.

I'm just typing sweet nothings to any who read this to let you know I'm still alive.