Thoughts about the future of trans* people

(I'm still feeling good which means I have energy and mental fortitude to think about things and to write about things.  Things like the following.  I encourage feedback.  Tell me where my logic is wrong.  Tell me I'm full of BS.  Tell me I need to learn more.  Tell me something.)

I've been thinking a lot about the future of trans* people.

I have been thinking about trans kids and future trans role models.  As it becomes more acceptable to be trans more children are transitioning younger and being prescribed hormone blockers, which means that more are avoiding the permanent changes puberty of their birth sex would cause.  This is a good thing for them.  It also means that they will blend into mainstream cis society much more easily.

What will  Will they even be trans in the way we think of it(I know trans has more definitions than stars in the sky but bear with me)?  Will they just be women and men who had a medical condition when they were younger?  Will

Maybe that's for the best.  Maybe there doesn't always need to be a trans movement.  Maybe we can 'win'.  Maybe one day it won't matter that Suzie was born male or that Mark was born female.  Maybe they will grow up in a world where it's not shameful to be a woman born male or a man born female.  Maybe as soon as they're old enough to understand, they will tell their parents, "Hey I'm a girl," or "Hey I'm a boy."  And their parents will say, "Thank you for telling us.  We'll get your info updated at the school."  And life will go on.

Maybe... but how will they know that it's ok to say that without visible trans people?  If every trans person transitions young and blends in then who will trans people look to know that they will be accepted?  Can we be accepted and still be visible?  How can we blend but still stand out?

I have more thoughts but it's getting late and I have work tomorrow.  I'll try to write more tomorrow.

Till then.

Gilly

Update 7-11-11

So my sister died last Saturday.  I'm not great but I'm dealing.  The worst thing is sometimes I forget and then I remember and it hurts like losing her the first time.

I'm getting along with my roommate.  Sometimes I feel weird being in the apt.  I feel out of place and like an intruder.  I stay in my room a lot.  I feel bad about staying in my room a lot like I'm being antisocial but some days I can't deal with being out of my room.

I restarted hrt on June 30 or July 1.

Restarting HRT

I've decided to restart HRT. It's been on my mind off and on for the past week. There are numerous reasons for and against restarting HRT. In the end it comes down to me deciding this is what I need to do right now.

I really don't have much more to say. This post is mostly for me to be able to look back and see when I made this decision.

The Hardest Part Is Saying The First Word

I said a few posts ago that I wasn't going to worry about coming out at work until I was ready but now I'm feeling that I may need to tell my manager and regional manager soon. They made me a salaried employee. To offer something like that to someone who has been with a company for less that a year is a big deal. It's a big deal to me at least. They could easily have just given me a modest raise like I was expecting. I was looking for table scraps and they threw me a steak.

I don't feel it's my duty to tell them but I feel like I don't want to rock the boat too much when I do transition. I wasn't worried about that before cause as much as I liked the job and wanted to keep it and as many times as I've been told I am a good and valuable employee, I thought I could always find another job. Now I feel like a valued employee and don't want to lose this job.

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My boss asked me what I was going to do with all the money I'm going to be making. I said I didn't know but I do. As he asked me the numbers began dancing in my head sorting themselves into neat piles.

One pile for living expenses.
One pile for savings.
One pile for electrolysis.
One pile for HRT.
One pile for doctor visits.
And one pile for whatever I want.

But I couldn't tell him about the electrolysis or HRT so I just lied like I always do when something like this comes up. I want to stop lying.

Random update

First good news. I will be going with my manager to Houston for four days to learn how to make pretzels. My manager had told me that he was going but he wasn't sure if I was too. Today the regional manager mentioned it and confirmed that I would be going as well.

Ok now some less than good news. I am starting to feel the effects of stopping HRT. I'm feeling emotionally unstable and slightly more depressive. Also my sex drive is returning to pre-HRT levels which I find unpleasant. I might be trading physical health for mental health.

I managed to stave off a good bit of 'day off blues' by getting out of the house yesterday. I cashed my check and then walked to Hastings. I sat and read for a little while until I started getting hungry. So I left Hastings and walked next door to Quiznos and ate a sandwich and cup of soup. Afterwards I rode the bus to Walmart where I hoped to find a new backpack. I like the design of the one I just want one a little bigger. There weren't any of the same type as the one I have but I did find a cheap collapsible 20" duffel bag, which I thought would be good for taking large loads to the laundromat but will also serve me well as a make do suitcase for my upcoming trip. I, also, bought some cat food and kitten food, which I carried home in the duffel. Once home I checked a few things online and then watched a couple of movies before going to sleep.

I've recently realized that I might not like the tv show Heroes any more. I'm about 20 episodes behind and really don't feel the urge to get caught up. I'm a little saddened to think the show is no longer interesting to me.