New hire/transgender issues

I'm back online after being cut off from my digital world due to a damaged phone jack. I've had a new one installed in a place where it is much less likely to be damaged. I'm still using my Wii to post but I have gotten a usb keyboard to type with.

The last couple of weeks were spent training the manager and assistant manager for the new pretzel store my company is opening in the next few weeks. I had a great time mainly due to the two to them being great people to work with and to teach.

This week I am again training someone but not for another store. This guy is not the first person that has been hired for my store but he is the first that I have personally hired. I've work with him before at a previous job so I wasn't just hiring blindly from an aplication. I've had one day with him so far and I think he's going to work out great.

I'm feeling more depressed lately about not coming out at work and in general life. Yesterday a man asked me what Gil was short for. He was ofcourse refering to my name tag. I hesitated and he went on to suggest some possible names, "Gillian, Gilligan, 'Jillian'" and a couple more female names. I was mildly stunned and was vague and didn't confirm anything.

I hesitated becaue I didn't want to say 'his' name(I've stated thinking of it as his name rather then my name, which is probably not a very mentally healthy thing to do). I cringe inside when my coworkers call me by his name. This is rare as they all call me Gil or Gilly, which I know is short for his name but it's also short for the name I've chosen for myself, Gillian.

My new hire saw my transgender symbol necklace and asked about it. I was able to deflect his question and change the subject but part of me wishes I didn't have to. I wish I could make this big issue a nonissue. I could by coming out. However (I've said it before and I may say it a hundred more times before I stop believing it), I'm afraid I'll lose everything. I'm afraid that my life is a card house and my coming out would be like a gust wind scattering it into disarray.

Random update

Yesterday something strange but pleasant happened. One of my employees referred to me as she repeatably during the day. It was strange because she hasn't done it before and I'm not out to her as trans but for some reason yesterday she kept saying she. This felt nice even if she did correct herself about half the time. It was kind like a preview of what's to come.

In other news I have decided to move out of the apartment I share with my sister and her kids in Sept. This will give me a month to get everything in order. I've made the decision but haven't told my sister yet. I haven't even told her about my raise yet. I don't know why I haven't.

I told my parents the other day about how I was now working on a salary. They weren't very excited. They expressed concerns that the company might ask me to work a lot of extra hours. I will have to work a minimum of 45 hours a week but I've already been working those kinds of hours so thats not a problem. I think they might be worried that I'm settling for a 'lesser' job. In other words, they think I should be doing something more important.

At one point in my life I might have agreed with them. Lately I've been asking myself, "Are you happy doing the work you are doing?" and the answer is yes. I am happy here doing the work that I do. I know that in the grand scheme of things running a pretzel shop is not very important. But we serve a purpose in the day to day lives of those that come to the mall and those that work in the mall. Until cheap robot workers can be made to take over mundane jobs, like making pretzels, leaving the human race to gaze intently at their navels all day, someone has to do it. And I don't see why it shouldn't be me.

Fired a guy today

I fired an employee today. I don't know how I feel about it.

On one hand he was a good kid. He was polite, respectful, and obedient. On the other hand he spent a lot of time just standing around even after we explained to him that he needed to stay busy. My manager has been wanting to fire him for about three days. I've been holding him off trying to give the guy a chance. I tried to keep him busy hoping he would pick up on staying busy. Today I put him on rolling and baking pretzels. He did good at rolling them out and twisting them into shape. He was a little slow but that would have changed with practice. But when I stopped telling him what we needed baked he stopped baking. This bothered me but I think what finally tipped the scales was I saw my other employee getting frazzled because he wasn't helping her enough during a rush.

Did I do the right thing? Could I have trained him better? Was I too lenient? These questions tug at my mind. I am not really bothered by them though. I made what I hoped was the best decision for my store and employees.

Here in Beaumont

I am currently enjoying the free wireless Fairfield Inn provides it's guests.

I and another employee from the store rode up with our regional manager. The drive up was mostly uneventful except for the two near accidents we had. First right outside of Victoria a man almost ran us off the road when he changed lanes right in front of us. We were in his blind spot but he should have looked before changing lanes. Later outside of Houston we were following a big truck and noticed papers flying out of the back occasionally. Suddenly an entire trash bag flew out and landed in front of the car. With no time to swerve at all my manager ran over the bag. When I looked back I didn't see the bag so we pulled over to free the bag. The act of stopping freed the bag and then we were on our way.

After checking in to our hotel we went to the mall the pretzel store we are going to be training at is in. L(the other employee from my store) and I only stayed a couple of hours before leaving to get something from the food court. We then walked around for a little while before meeting back up with C(our regional manager) and coming back to the hotel. Tomorrow the three of us will be running the pretzel store by ourselves.

Not much else going on at the moment. See ya later.

Oh yeah, according to everyone around me I have not stopped smiling all day.

Employee trouble

Today I had two employees not show up for work.

One didn't call in. I left a message on his voice mail but did not get a call back. A no call, no show is usually an automatic dismissal. I know that sometimes things happen so I'm marking him in my mind as a possible fire. Until I find out why he wasn't at work I won't say he is going to be fired.

The other is almost definitely fired. Her story began Friday when she didn't show up to work and had a friend call to tell us she was going out of town. As another my lead said the only time anyone should call into work for you is if you're in the hospital, some exceptions made for extreme illness that does not lead to hospitalization.

This morning she called to tell me she was going to be late cause she was coming from out of town. Six hours later, five hours into her shift she called to tell me she was back in town. I can't remember what exactly I or she said but I do remember getting the feeling that she didn't want to go into work. I thought about it for a second and decided that the team I had at the moment was strong enough to carry through closing, so I told her not to come in.

Now I didn't tell her not to come in because she didn't want to, I told her because right then I didn't want her to come in. If she had just come in I would have let her work the rest of her shift but to call and basicaly ask to skip work isn't acceptable. She was a good employee and coworker but I just don't see how she can come back from this.