Am I Memorex? - Part 3 & 4 up / Work news

Part 3 and part 4 of Am I Memorex? are up on Gillian's Fiction.

---

I'm still waiting on my promotion and raise. My manager is confident that the powers that be will grant me both. I'm remaining optomistic but keeping in mind that it isn't set in stone.

Being the closing manager I really need my own transportation so I can stop begging rides from my crew. Not that I have to beg them, they're but I would feel much better if I wasn't depentant on them for my way home. I'd really like to get a nice used(maybe new) car of a lot and pay monthly for it. Right now I don't think I could afford a monthly car payment with what I make now but if I get that raise...

I really hate that I'm waiting for something out of my control to happen so I can better my situation. I may take a real hard look at where I'm spending to see if I can't tighten my belt a little and find that car payment money with what I'm making now.

In other news, my manager needs surgery for a hernia costing about $5000 and right now he doesn't have any medical insurance. He's fifteen days from finishing his 90 day probation period here. His doctor has cleared him for work for now but he's not supposed to lift anything heavy. When he goes in for surgery it'll be just me and the other assistant manager running the store while he recovers. I'm not worried about that but I am worried that my manager is going to overwork himself. I know at least twice in the past month he's worked so many hours at a time that he's been practily falling down. I've told some of the others that work at the store that we need to keep an eye on him so he doesn't do this. I like that he takes his job seriously but he won't be much use if he works himself to death.

Am I Memorex? - Part 2 up

Part Two of "Am I Memorex?" is up on Gillian's Fiction.

"Am I Memorex?" a story told in hundred word posts, asks the question, can a copy be as good as the original? What if you're copying people? Is the copy someone new or the same person? Follow Regina as she tries to answer these questions for herself.

Gillian's fiction

Over on Gillian's Fiction I've started a new project. One hundred words a day, six days a week. On the seventh day I'll repost the week's worth of story bits in one big post. I'm not sure how long the story I'm going to write will be but I will keep writing until It's done.

Well enough fo me gibber jabbing, head on over to read part one of "Am I Memorex?"

Thoughts on Twilight [Spoilers]

I watched Twilight the other night. I didn't have plans to see it but my sister had rented on pay-per-view and recorded it to the DVR, so all I had to do was click play. I've never read the books except for reading like the first three pages in a bookstore to see what all the hype was about.

All I really have to say about this movie is, "Eh." It's not a bad movie. The story flows nicely and isn't overly complicated. I liked the idea of a vampire family that doesn't drink human blood. It's a nice twist on the tortured vampire who doesn't want to be a monster. Ussally you end up with a lone vamp brooding about how hard it is to not drink human blood. In this movie you have a nice family of mostly well adjusted vamps who have risen above their baser urges. I would have loved to have seen a movie focusing on just them. You could easily add in some action by bringing in a group of normal vamps and having them clash.

As much as I liked the vamps, there are a few things I didn't like. Biggest thing was Bella on discovering that Edward and his family are vampires decides to confront him about. I know that they fall in love la de da but at that point she barely knows him. She knows a little about his family, has spoken to him a few times, knows he's strong enough to stop a car with his bare hand and thinks he may be a vampire. To me her, confronting him was a stupid thing to do. Everything she knows about vampires says that they kill humans and drink their blood. Which leads me to believe that she's either insane or suicidal. (From something a friend told me about a later book I'm betting on suicidal with a dash of mental instability.) Edward then tells her he's dangerous but she refuses to listen. Even after he has shown he how fast and strong he is all she can say is, "I trust you." This feels backwards to me. Shouldn't the vampire have to prove he's harmless rather than try to show how deadly he is? Any love I had for Bella was smashed in that scene.

One other thing. I had heard that Twilight's vampires were different in that they could go out during the day and in direct sunlight they sparkled. Now I was expecting sparkles like from a sparkler. Little bits of light exploding from their skin. Instead I got glitter covered vampires.

The rest of the movie was fairly enjoyable. I would honestly rate this movie a 3 out of 5. It's a fairly standard teen romance story with vampires. Nothing too outstanding but it is watchable with only one wallbanger moment.

Update on random trans stuff in my life

Sometime I wonder if I really ready to live as a woman.

I read other transwomen's blogs. They talk about dressing in women's clothes and wearing makeup before going fulltime. I don't do either of these things. I know that these don't make one a woman but they seem like a right of passage that I'm missing out on.

But it doesn't really matter if I 'miss out' on these 'rights of passage.' I'm finding my own way. Becoming who I really am. I know that I'm not a man. Being called he or sir just feels so wrong while being she or ma'am feels right.

---

Yesterday I was going to talk to my crew about how the store has not been getting as clean as it should. To end off the talk I was going to say, "I don't want to be a bitch about this but if I have to I will be."(I'm very easy going at work, so long as people are working.) I thought about replacing bitch with bastard but it felt wrong to refer to myself with a derogatory male word like that so I dropped the line.

---

Let me tell what happened yesterday.

Yesterday a man walked up to the counter and ordered some cookies and called me ma'am. I got his order, rang him up, took his money, made change and thanked him for his business. Then he asked about his drink. I had missed it when he told me his order, I apologized and got it for him. He paid for it and thanked me one more time and called me ma'am. He saw me as a woman from when he walked up to the counter to when he left.

Can I take a second to say that I'm not out at work, my name tag says Gil and I don't feel like I act very feminine. He may have been visually impaired. I saw him fumble some glasses into a pocket before reaching the counter but I spoke to him in what I think is my normal voice a few times which usually tips people off when my appearance doesn't. Despite all this he saw me as a woman. Yeah me!

---

This week on one of my days off I'm going to see about scheduling an electrolysis appointment.

---

I think I need to come out at work. I'm like a heartbeat away from being promoted to assistant manager. My manager has already started referring to me as an assistant manager. It's scary but I think everything will work out fine.

Forgetting Words

I think I may have a problem.

I'm starting to forget words. Not permenatly. When I speak I sometimes forget the name for an item. If I stop for a minute it ussally comes to me eventully. If I don't stop all I can do is try to describe it. Like yesterday I want to tell a coworker to put a box in the broken refrigirater we use for storage and could not think of the word refrigirator. I wanted to say, "That box thats makes things cold but doesn't because it's broken." Instead I gestured at it and he figured it out.

It's a little bit scary because I can remember everything about the object, what it looks like, what it does, how you use it but not it's name. I know everyone has moments like these but they seem to be happening more often than I ever remember them happening.

Forgetting words like this is a warning sign of Alzheimer's. I don't have any of the other warning signs. Some other stuff I read suggests it might be something like brain damage but I haven't had any head injuries. I'm really scared that something isn't right.

Earrings and more job news

For like the past two days I've been thinking about doing this. Finnally today I got my rear in gear and got to the mall about half an hour before my shift started and got my ears pierced with a set of 14k white gold ball studs.

Here's a picture, which once again is dark and grainy because my camera's flash doesn't work:


I personally don't like the look of regular yellow gold, preferring sterling sliver or in this case white gold. I also don't like diamond studs, they just don't seem very interesting so I got simple ball studs. Keep in mind when I say I don't like yellow gold or diamond studs I mean for myself to wear. On other people they look good but I just don't see myself wearing them.

I've wanted to pierce my ears for sometime now. What kept my from doing it? Presenting as a male means I have had to follow the male dress code at my jobs and without fail they say males are not allowed to wear earrings. Getting my ears pierced was impossible. The last time I was unemployed I thought about getting them pierced but decided to save the money for more important things like rent and food.

So why do it now? Well at my current job the manager is cool with everyone's piercings. We have two guys who regularly wear earrings and a couple of the girls wear two or more sets, a practice that is also frowned upon by most dress codes.

I went into work hair down so my new earrings were not too visable. Of course I had to put my hair back in a ponytail while getting into uniform. I decided to see how long it would take for someone to notice and say something about my earrings. Well only one person said anything though I'm sure everyone at least saw them.

I'm going to wait a little while before getting anymore piercings. I'm thinking about getting a second piercing in each earlobe and one through the each helix. I may get something like this for one of the helix piercings:



Or I might not. I haven't decided yet.

Ok job news. My manager has said he wants me to move up to an assistant manager position along side the current assistant manager we have left. I feel better about being promoted knowing that I'm not being promoted over someone else.

The other day he told me that the lead assistant who was fired was making like six dollars more an hour than me while doing basically the same job. This got me thinking that when I get promoted I will be getting a raise which may make if feasible for me to afford my own apartment without budgeting to the hilt. I may also be able to afford to get a car. Not some junker parked in front of someone's house but a nice used car off a lot.

Just thinking about these possibilities makes me feel a little lightheaded. Right now nothing is set in stone and I'm trying not to plan too far into the future. Several things could happen that result in me not getting promoted. One possible future that keeps running through my mind is me coming out as transgender and then being fired. I know it's not likely. Everything I know about my manager and my regional manager says that they would not fire me. And yet I can't stop thinking about it.