Stopping HRT

I have decided to stop taking the hormones I have self prescribed. I feel foolish for not having stopped sooner. Since I started noticing that I was frequently fatigued for no reason, had occasional lightheaded moments and see spots most times I stand up, I have not once considered that the hormones I was taking might be to blame. I'm still not convinced they are but it'll be one less variable for any doctor to consider.

My plan is after my insurance kicks in, I will go to see a doctor about the fatigue, lightheadedness, and seeing spots most times I stand up. Once that is under control or concurrent with that treatment I want to begin the process of transitioning under medical supervision.

As always I'm worried that my job will be forfeit but not really. I'm feeling a bit of job security lately as I grow into my new manager role. I honestly think I will have little to no problems with my manager or regional manager when(Yes, when not if. I can no longer deny that I need to transition for my own sanity.) I transition.

Health insurance/depression update

Ok I've had one of those weird brain spasms where that thing that made no sense, now makes sense. So I've decide to get the insurance through my work. I'm going to be getting the plan that costs less per month but has the higher deductible.

I have been wondering how I will deal with going to the doctor for my current health problems. Specifically am I going to tell him I'm transgender and selfmedicating? Of course I absolutely should tell him but I don't know if I will be able to. I mean I don't know if I will be able to work up the courage to tell a complete stranger things that I have largely kept hidden. A thought just popped into my head that I could write a short letter and hand it to him. While still scary it would be less difficult for me to hand over a piece of paper than to say it out loud.

In other news I am feeling shitty. I have this ever persent feeling that things are going horrible wrong in my life. When I stop and take stock I find nothing to worry about, this does not rid me of the feeling. I'm forcing myself to keep moving forward.

Closing this off here. I need to get up early tomorrow so I can take my netbook back to where I bought it and see if they can do anything about the fact my speakers have stopped working.