I hate my brain

My room is a mess. Now when I say it's a mess I don't mean there are a few things on the floor, I mean I can't see the floor. The only clear space is near the door. My mattress is part way off the boxspring, the fitted sheet barely covering it. I can see that it needs to be cleaned. I want to clean it. I hate for it to be this messed up but I've been distracting myself from feeling depressed with the internet. I just realized I was doing this a few minutes ago. I hate that I do this. When I feel this way I don't feel like doing anything but doing nothing is a good way to spiral down into really bad thoughts so I end up spending hours surfing the nets.

I did laundry earlier so it's not quite as bad as I said but it has been for about a week. Even this post is a way to distract myself. Tomorrow I start my work week which is good because being at work makes me feel better even when I feel this bad.

I'm going to try to focus long enough to clean my room.